Wednesday, April 29, 2015


The sound of cello and piano playing 
are all too much for me to hear to overcome this loneliness and grief,
for several weeks now i have been seeing things that reminds me of you,
your name, birth date, places we've been together, things i use to see when i had you in mind,
or anything associated with you,
maybe i was just thinking a lot about you lately, i'am still and maybe i will for a long time,
but the sad part is i'am also seeing the word "goodbye" one after the other,
as if the universe is telling me to let go,
we have already said our goodbyes to each other many times before but it never happened, 
we were never serious about letting each other go, 
we know we will never be alright without each other, 
but never like today,,,
today is a sad reminder that no matter how wonderful we are together 
wonderful things can also end somewhere along the way
still i will never say goodbye, 
i'am not letting you go,
i will just wait untill  it happens,
till then i will not know that i will never see you again,,, ever again,,,

Move on?
i can move on,
i can try to forget everything, 
i can pretend, 
i can escape,
i can make myself busy to forget,
but no matter what i can do i still end up empty and thinking about you,
i will have to accept the fact that my heart longs to be near you, 
in you,,,  for you,,,  beside you,,, 
with you,
no matter how i try to smile and laugh, i know, i can never be as happy as i was with you, 
no matter how each day goes by, when i'm alone i will always be missing you
i do not wish to move on, to go anywhere else, i'am exactly where i wanted to be, 
i'am home, i'am at peace with myself, i'am complete,
 i'am a lot better than before, i'am all of it and more
because i'am in love with you,,,
yes, i'am very much in love with you,
even if you are not here with me, 
even if you are somewhere with someone, 
even if we do not talk or see each other anymore,
even if you forget that once we made memories together, 
even if things didn't went forever, 
you may have lost me but i will never loose you, 
i will always have you here with me, 
i have been there and all around, i have been up and went down but when i met you,
i found rest when i found you.

It is over,,,
 we cannot be what we are before,
we are friends or lovers no more,
i cannot hold your hand like this anymore but my heart will always hold you close
my lips will always be kissing you 
we will always be embracing each other closely
we are connected, we feel each other at some level,
 we are meant to be together
if not here, if not now, somewhere we will, somehow,
we are making love tenderly, endlessly, passionately,
yes we do, close your eyes and you will know, you will feel,
we make love like we never did with anyone before,
and we will never do with anyone anymore.

I'am sorry for all the pains and tears, for the same loneliness and grief you went through, 
i couldn't have done any better, i have to go through all of it, 
maybe i did a little bit more or a little bit less but i have to,
maybe you've waited a little bit long or a little too soon but you held on, 
i have to feel how cold my heart was to understand how i miss the warmth of your love, 
i have to suffer the same way you did to understand how painful it was to be left alone for granted, 
i went away only to find myself running back to you, missing you and longing for your embrace, 
i remember all the times we kiss, the times we hug, 
the times we held our hands and every minute of every time we made love, 
i will take it all with me, in my heart and in my soul, 
i know it's a bit late now to tell you this, 
i only have less time to spend, 
but if i could, i will and always would spend the rest of it with you,,, 
i miss you,

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